this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
