HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Two words: blizzard sex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
