I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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