Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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