sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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