I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
