considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
