i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
