I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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