): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
