I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
