i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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