I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
