I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
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I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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