so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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