Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
