found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
