Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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