when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
