I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
