i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
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She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry about my life...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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