Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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