So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
