this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
