haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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