I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
