"it" just moved
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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