I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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