for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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