turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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