it was like eating out sand paper
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
