Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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