Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
