No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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