this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
