If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
