one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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