is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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