Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
