Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
