So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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