if you like me you must not know who I am
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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