if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
