My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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