just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
