Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I deserve this hangover.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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