Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
