You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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