What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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