You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
