I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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