So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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