He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
