I met the friendliest cop last night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
