when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
