I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
