at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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