I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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