We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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