There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
