Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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