I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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