He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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