Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
