I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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