You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
