she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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