im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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