oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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