I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
