my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
