He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
