Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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