It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already