Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.