I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am