Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.