I wish my penis had an off switch
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
