Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.