the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
