Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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