4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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