Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
