Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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