Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He passed out mid-signature
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
