I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
