So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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