Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
