Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
