My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
