Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
