so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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