Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
