dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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