I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
