So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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